Perpetual Stimulus Voted into Law

Monday, March 12 2029

During the press conference, the Perpetual Bailout Committee Chairman rep. Barney Frank said that the current financial crisis is a direct consequence of not sufficient revenue generated from the modest 97.5% tax rate. New legislation, known in public as “blackout prevention”, is expected to provide much needed relief from two decades long recession which threatens to grow into a full-blown depression, stated Mr. Frank.

He added that “this bill was particularly important because middle class and less well off Northeast Americans do not have a large economic cushion. We want all our citizens to be comfortable and those well-off are more than happy to be their brother’s keepers, to quote the wisdom of our Eternal President. The newly passed 98.75% tax rate legislation will provide much needed relief for the struggling segment of population below poverty threshold, which is currently estimated around modest 95%. Upon recommendation from the Eternal President and his economic advisers, we are considering additional stimulative legislation such as food-stamp card gambling and fully subsidized online access for citizens willing to print the money themselves. We expect significant savings in reduced paperwork and postage fees as well as several million new high-tech web site maintenance jobs. All these are, no doubt, significant steps toward economic recovery.”

When asked about possibility of allowing the multiple political party system, both rep. Frank and rep. Pelosi have declined such possibility in the near future. “Times are not ripe for such a radical step. Besides, People’s Democratic Party has clearly been the only choice of the people of the United States of Northeast America to lead them out of the economic downturn into the bright future.”

Perpetual President Hussein Obama has not appeared at the conference due to his urgent obligations in Bollywood. He sent his personal representative Rahm Emanuel to the conference. Emanuel has expressed Eternal President’s gratitude to the legislators for their dedicated work on harnessing the renewable winds of change. “No crisis should ever be allowed to expire unused,” said Emanuel promptly rewarded with a loud applause from the audience.

Representatives have also expressed hopes that exports of berries to China would help offset the current minor economic difficulties and predicted that the recovery in the second half of the year is very likely. As we have reported, for almost a decade Chinese government has refused to open up its market to what they call “totalitarian American northeast regime”.

Neither Confederate States of Dixieland nor Ephemeral States of Wild West political representatives have yet commented on their neighbor’s prolonged economic troubles.

Stay tuned for more news from the future.

For Bool Shift from Obama DC,

Simplicio Veritas.

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